The title of this blog makes it look so easy, and I really wish it was. That you could schedule it on your planning, like with some kind of DIY: this weekend I’d wish to try out the “how to make your own bedside table” and if I have some time left maybe the “how to survive a break-up”. This blogpost will be a very personal one, in which I tell you about my own experiences after my break-up. Don’t expect any ‘tips and tricks’ or anything like that on how to overcome a break-up, because you simply don’t. Not really. But more about that further on.
Some of you may have already seen it on my instagram page or heard it from me in real life, but my boyfriend and I broke up some months ago. I’m not going to elaborate further on why or how but let’s just say that it wasn’t my choice. I didn’t see it coming and I never thought that it would happen. I had never been so happy. We never had huge fights, or were a rowdy couple for that matter. We talked a lot and we were considerate with each other. When he broke the news I really didn’t know where it was coming from and to be honest, I am still baffled that he called it quits just like that, without even trying.
I hit the ground quite hard when I fell off my pink cloud, you could say. For the first weeks, I wasn’t able to sleep, eat or function properly. I really didn’t know what to do with myself. I had never been the type of person that just gives in to misery, but I had never felt this way before. It literally felt like he broke me. Over time, I started to feel a little bit better physically, but mentally I must admit that even today I sometimes struggle. I still think about him, every single day. But if I learned one thing by now it is that this is completely normal. It is proof that I loved him with every fiber in my body and it takes time to get over what you thought was the love of your life. I never locked myself up in my room and played sad songs for days or drowned myself in self- pity. But I still allowed myself to feel, to be hurt and angry. The following things really helped me in different ways to get to the next stage of heart-break: acceptance.
- I listen to music.
Music has always been there for me. It helped through tough times and let me enjoy the greatest times more. I love how there is a song for every mood. I like playing slow and sad songs when I am feeling melancholic, enjoy a feisty rap or hiphop song when I am feeling a tad angry or self-assured,.. You get the point: music always seems to really get you. It amazes me sometimes how someone can write down the exact thing that you are feeling but don’t have words for.
- I jot down every quote or poem that describes exactly how I feel.
Reading poetry or literature is another thing which helped me immensely in the process. It is the same as with music: you don’t feel entirely alone on this planet. There are other people who experienced the same or worse than you and who feel the same way. Even if you feel lonely, think about those people for a moment: you are never alone!
- I write down my feelings.
When I am up late at night again, worrying or overthinking I write down whatever I feel. Sometimes it is quite poetic, sometimes it is just words or feelings, whatever feels good at that moment I do. If it is on a piece of paper or just on your phone doesn’t really matter but afterwards I always feel a little bit better and I can finally catch some sleep.
- I meet up with my best friends.
After I just broke up with Simon, I didn’t really feel like talking to anyone. I just felt like I was about to burst into tears every time I talked about him so I didn’t want to see my friends. However, my best friend immediately cleared her schedule the next day and took me out for a coffee. Although I wasn’t too excited at first, I was so happy she had done this afterwards. When you feel so shitty and hurt, you need your people around you. People who support you and are on your side make you feel better instantly. All my friends that have been there for me in one way or another, thank you for making me feel better and feeling like sunshine.
- I talked about it.
Another part of processing a heartbreak is to talk about it. I’m not saying you have to tell everyone everything that happened. If you want to and it makes you feel better, go for it. But it is just as important to just speak out the words: we broke up. People don’t always have to know everything, but it is not a shame to admit that you don’t feel so good. I myself don’t like self-pity and complaining about everything doesn’t help anybody. However, I did honestly told some people that I still hurt now and then. You don’t always have to fake a smile and pretend you are happy.
Today, the 4th of August 2018, we would have been together for three years. Like I told you earlier, I still struggle sometimes. Not a day passes by without thinking about him, about something we did or loved or had in common. I still get tears in my eyes sometimes, when I come across a note he wrote for me, when a photo from him flashes by, when I logged on Pokémon Go for the first time after our break-up and when I realized that my username is the female version of his,… We made so many memories and did so many things together that imagining a life without him is still hard. I now think of it as a positive quality: I am a soft, loving person and no selfish, unloving person is ever going to change that.